In an ideal world, a child could talk to strangers, without fear of being abducted.
In an ideal world, a fellow could count his money, on the subway without fear of being robbed.
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In an ideal world, a person who is bullied, stalked, and harassed could simply say "STOP" and the attacks would end.
I think we are all aware that we don't live in an ideal world. Yet I am shocked and saddened to see how many people continue to feel that being right is all the protection that they can manage for their own, or their family's safety, when it comes to bullying.
While reviewing bullying and stalking cases for a new project, I am amazed at the number of people, in particular parents, who despite year after year of abuse, bullying, harassment, and mental and physical attacks, continued to wait for an unresponsive Principal or school counselor to act on behalf of their child. In the meantime, they did nothing to take personal responsibility for his or her safety.
As both a mother, and a victim of stalking, I understand the temptation to cry "it's not fair" and bury your head in the sand. But the fact is, as a parent, our first responsibility is to the safety and well being of our children.
If you child is being bullied in school and the school is unresponsive. ACT
MOST IMPORTANT - DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!!! See notes at the end about appropriate documentation methods.
- Remove your child from school. YOU are responsible for your child's physical and mental safety. Continuing to send your child to a place that is dangerous, day after day is madness. Send a letter to the school, registered post (so that you will have a signature of receipt) explaining that you have no choice but to remove your child from an unsafe environment, exacerbated by the school and faculty's failure to protect your child.
- Connect with your child's teachers to insure that he or she doesn't fall behind in school work. If teachers are unresponsive, each state has a a curriculum guideline (find it on the web) that will help you to keep your child on track. You can also discuss home schooling, even temporarily, with your state's Board of Education.
- Go to the police. You will find that schools are a lot quicker to get involved in solving problems if they fear that a public scandal could follow. Going to the police also creates a buffer between your family and the family of the bully. Having a police complaint on file is extremely important if you ultimately need to take the school or the bully to court or if the attacks move off school property.
- Get an attorney. If you can afford an attorney that has experience in bullying, excellent. They will make a very effective advocate for you and your child, both with the school and with the bully. But any good attorney trained in litigation will be beneficial. If you can't afford an attorney, contact a bullying support group in your area which should be able to connect you to with attorneys who may help on a pro bono basis.
- Get emotional support for your family. Bullying affects the entire family. It affects the behavior, self esteem, and both mental and physical health of the victim. Children need support in dealing with complex feelings and fear. Parent's may feel helpless or angry, which can be unhealthy for the family. But many victims also act out by attacking other family members or in self harm behaviors that can create a vicious cycle. Bullying support groups or your family doctor should be able to direct you to mental support programs in your area. Many are free of charge.
Bullying is a progressive crime. Typically the attacks and severity of attacks increase over time. Ignoring it and hoping that it goes away is simply not an option. Schools have the responsibility to provide a safe educational environment. Unfortunately, parents often have to threaten to pursue or actually pursue these rights in court.
Documentation is key:
Women in particular tend to write rambling letters about emotions and right and wrong. Men tend to make threats. STOP! Straight forward, simple, direct letters result in action.
February 8th. 2011
Dear Principal Smith,
As you are aware, my son, Tommy Jones has been the victim of a string of bullying attacks perpetrated by John Thomson, while at Eastside Elementary School.
Despite your assurances on January 20th and February 5th that these attacks would be halted and my child would be safe in school, the bullying has gotten worse. This continued failure to provide my son with a safe education environment has forced me to contact the police, an attorney, and the State Department of Education.
If you will not immediately expel John Thompson or at minimum provide constant supervision of him between classes, at lunch, and recess, I will be forced to remove my son from school and proceed against the school for the costs associated with alternative education and counseling for my son. You have the legal responsibility to provide a safe educational environment and have failed to do so.
Please advise immediately if it is safe for my child to return to school. Otherwise, you will next hear from my attorney.
Sincerely,
Karen Jones
No matter what other people do or say, YOU as the parent are responsible for the safety of your child. You wouldn't continue to send your child into a building filled with radiation. You couldn't feed your child something that you knew to be poisonous. So there is no justification to continue to send your child to a place where he or she is emotionally and or physically abused.
