Bullying Documentary Receives An R Rating - Meaning the Kids Who Need It Most Can't See It

Pretty disgusted at the moment. Motion Picture Association of America just reaffirmed it's R rating for "Bully," a documentary showing the lives and death of the victims of bullies in a Sioux City Iowa High School in 2009/2010.

Apparently kids aren't to young to have to have live through it, but they can't watch the documentary itself.

As Access To Private Information Increases, So Must The Consequences of Misuse Increase

A string of recent articles concerning court cases in the US and Europe have revealed a disturbing, but easily predictable trend. Officials, judges, law makers, police officers, and others with access to the most highly private information are using that access to stalk, harass, and manipulate unsuspecting citizens.

Inside sources state that police in several jurisdictions are using their access to Department of Motor Vehicle records to "rate and date" women they search for in the data base. When questioned it was revealed that officers scanned the photos of thousands of women on the database and then used the information to stage "run ins" to ask for dates or simply stalked the women.  Officers admitted to using their access to keep tabs on ex-wives or ex-girlfriends, to gain private information about "friends" and family members and even changing information to cause distress or embarrassment to their victims. 

Several judges have also been caught up in recent cases concerning access to private information. The now disgraced Judges Mark Ciavarella and Michael Conahan took nearly $3 million in payoffs to jail juveniles in a private jail system. The judges allegedly targeted children of poor or working class families, especially single parent families, who would be unlikely to have legal counsel. By discerning which parents would have the financial ability or education to fight their actions, the Judges were free to operate this "jailing kids for cash" scheme for years. 

Of course it isn't just officials who misuse their access and abuse their power, with medical files, credit reports, criminal files, and passport information now stored online, data entry people are using their access to stalk and harass as well. Some have even made a profitable sideline be providing the media (and others) with private information about the famous. In 2008, a former analyst for the State department Bureau of Intelligence and Research admitted to accessing the passport records, including applications, social security numbers, and other information of about 200 politicians and celebrities, including the Presidential candidates. He wasn't alone. 

Most of the private data held on Americans is controlled not by government agencies, but by private contractors, many not even housed in the United States. With little in the way of incentive to keep them from accessing and even disseminating private information, these data processing centers have become an identity theft and stalker's paradise with private information being sold online.  But equally troubling is the unfettered access by officials, some of which clearly do not have their responsibilities and oaths in mind. 

Of course its human nature to snoop. But it is because of this human nature factor that we must make the penalty for accessing and using private information, counter to purpose, a serious offense with painful consequences. 

Is the Media Celebration of Stalkers a New Trend?

Public figures have come to expect and accept a degree of unwanted attention and even stalking. In an industry where success depends largely on a popularity built on accessibility, people in the public eye quickly become aware that their every move is monitored, photographed, reported, and discussed.

Unfortunately, this gives the mentally unstable unprecedented access and ability to not only reach out and touch, but reach out and harm. 

Until recently, the media fell into either the journalist category, reporting the court cases and unfortunate after math of violence and even death perpetrated by stalkers or the tabloid category, providing the gory details. 

Today however, I read an article in the New York Daily News that not only blurred the lines between journalism and tabloid tattle, but actually took the side of the stalker against a famous victim in an effort to titillate. 

For four pages, the article, which featured a huge picture of the smiling, blonde, stalker sipping cocktails, detailed the allegations of the woman, including an affair, pregnancy, abortion, etc. against Brian Cashman, the married General Manager of the Yankees Baseball Team. 

The article, which includes numerous threats made by the woman, also features a photo of Cashman who was recently served divorce papers by his wife, citing extramarital affairs. 

Not until the last paragraph of the article do the authors include the fact that this woman is wanted for two outstanding harassment warrants, is currently on probation for stalking in New Jersey, and apparently stalked her ex-boyfriend. Her own mother called the police recently due to her behavior and threats and her own psychiatrist has classes her as a psychotic danger to herself and others.

The fact that the authors of this article decided to craft what is essentially a character assassination against a public figure, using the extremely dangerous activities and threats of a deranged woman is really unconscionable. This is the online version of the Princess Diana crash. Desperate to not only "report" tragedies, but also have a hand in creating them, the authors have set a new low in journalist standards. 

Time for Parents to Take Some Responsibility for Bullied Kids

In an ideal world, a lady could walk down a deserted street, alone at night, without fear of being raped.
In an ideal world, a child could talk to strangers, without fear of being abducted.
In an ideal world, a fellow could count his money, on the subway without fear of being robbed.
&
In an ideal world, a person who is bullied, stalked, and harassed could simply say "STOP" and the attacks would end.

I think we are all aware that we don't live in an ideal world. Yet I am shocked and saddened to see how many people continue to feel that being right is all the protection that they can manage for their own, or their family's safety, when it comes to bullying.

While reviewing bullying and stalking cases for a new project, I am amazed at the number of people, in particular parents, who despite year after year of abuse, bullying, harassment, and mental and physical attacks, continued to wait for an unresponsive Principal or school counselor to act on behalf of their child. In the meantime, they did nothing to take personal responsibility for his or her safety.

As both a mother, and a victim of stalking, I understand the temptation to cry "it's not fair" and bury your head in the sand. But the fact is, as a parent, our first responsibility is to the safety and well being of our children.

If you child is being bullied in school and the school is unresponsive. ACT

MOST IMPORTANT - DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!!! See notes at the end about appropriate documentation methods.

• Remove your child from school. YOU are responsible for your child's physical and mental safety. Continuing to send your child to a place that is dangerous, day after day is madness. Send a letter to the school, registered post (so that you will have a signature of receipt) explaining that you have no choice but to remove your child from an unsafe environment, exacerbated by the school and faculty's failure to protect your child. 
• 
  
• Connect with your child's teachers to insure that he or she doesn't fall behind in school work. If teachers are unresponsive, each state has a a curriculum guideline (find it on the web) that will help you to keep your child on track. You can also discuss home schooling, even temporarily, with your state's Board of Education.
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• Go to the police. You will find that schools are a lot quicker to get involved in solving problems if they fear that a public scandal could follow. Going to the police also creates a buffer between your family and the family of the bully. Having a police complaint on file is extremely important if you ultimately need to take the school or the bully to court or if the attacks move off school property.
• 
  
• Get an attorney. If you can afford an attorney that has experience in bullying, excellent. They will make a very effective advocate for you and your child, both with the school and with the bully. But any good attorney trained in litigation will be beneficial. If you can't afford an attorney, contact a bullying support group in your area which should be able to connect you to with attorneys who may help on a pro bono basis.
• 
  
• Get emotional support for your family. Bullying affects the entire family. It affects the behavior, self esteem, and both mental and physical health of the victim. Children need support in dealing with complex feelings and fear. Parent's may feel helpless or angry, which can be unhealthy for the family. But many victims also act out by attacking other family members or in self harm behaviors that can create a vicious cycle. Bullying support groups or your family doctor should be able to direct you to mental support programs in your area. Many are free of charge.

Bullying is a progressive crime. Typically the attacks and severity of attacks increase over time. Ignoring it and hoping that it goes away is simply not an option. Schools have the responsibility to provide a safe educational environment. Unfortunately, parents often have to threaten to pursue or actually pursue these rights in court.

Documentation is key: 

Women in particular tend to write rambling letters about emotions and right and wrong. Men tend to make threats. STOP! Straight forward, simple, direct letters result in action.

February 8th. 2011

Dear Principal Smith,

As you are aware, my son, Tommy Jones has been the victim of a string of bullying attacks perpetrated by John Thomson, while at Eastside Elementary School.

Despite your assurances on January 20th and February 5th that these attacks would be halted and my child would be safe in school, the bullying has gotten worse. This continued failure to provide my son with a safe education environment has forced me to contact the police, an attorney, and the State Department of Education.

If you will not immediately expel John Thompson or at minimum provide constant supervision of him between classes, at lunch, and recess, I will be forced to remove my son from school and proceed against the school for the costs associated with alternative education and counseling for my son. You have the legal responsibility to provide a safe educational environment and have failed to do so.

Please advise immediately if it is safe for my child to return to school. Otherwise, you will next hear from my attorney.

Sincerely,

Karen Jones

No matter what other people do or say, YOU as the parent are responsible for the safety of your child. You wouldn't continue to send your child into a building filled with radiation. You couldn't feed your child something that you knew to be poisonous. So there is no justification to continue to send your child to a place where he or she is emotionally and or physically abused. 

Stop Stalking Me 3rd Edition

I am very pleased to announce that the 3rd Edition of Stop Stalking Me will be in book stores on January 27th. It was previously announced  that it would be released last fall, however the book has been re-edited to fit with the new Stop Stalking Me and Stop Bullying Me online classes that start in February.

Keep eyes out for free copy contests and the online anti-stalking and anti-bullying classes.

January is National Stalking Awareness Month

January is National Stalking Awareness Month and what better time then New Years to resolve to be more knowledgeable and proactive when dealing with stalking and bullying.

Laws around the world are changing in efforts to better protect victims. But stalking and bullying are still crimes in which the lion's share of responsibility for personal safety and mental and physical health still resides with the victim, their friends, family, and co-workers.

A great place to gather information about stalking and the help available for victims is the National Center for Victims of Crime and the Stalking Resource Center which have teamed up to create National Stalking Awareness.

If you want to share your support, the National Stalking Awareness Month site has ribbons, posters, and videos. 

Of course, over the next few days, as I wade through old posts and new research, I will be updating this blog with new laws, coping skills, and books and videos to help victims and their families.

Let's make 2012 the year of personal power!

Happy New Year's Blog Cleaning

OK, I admit it……I can be a tad on the “wordy” side.

When I started writing, I had a hand me down, IBM Selectric III typewriter. There was something wasteful and rather lazy about just typing a couple sentences….all that empty, white paper. And so I filled up each and every page, a proud member of the literary version of the “clean plate” club.

Over the years, being comfortable writing hundreds, thousands, even tens of thousands of words for training manuals, corporate prospectuses, and ultimately screen plays and books served me well.

For years, my blogs have reflected my penchant for long winded prose. But times have changed. The reflective, research heavy, commentary has gone the way of the dodo bird. Today people seem to want “sound bite” summaries, twitter length quips with a link to bullet point information, for those who want a more in-depth analysis of an issue.

Over the course of the next few days, I am doing some blog-cleaning, which is a lot like spring cleaning your home. I will be packing away posts that aren’t relevant or useful due mostly to changes in the law. Airing out and altering (summarizing) posts that are still relevant. And embarking on a more user friendly method of commentary.

Surviving Stalking will continue to be the place to find resources, current cases, and legal opinion on stalking, harassment, and bullying in the United Kingdom, Europe, and America.

The Justice Myth will be the home of my work on prosecutorial misconduct, justice reform, tort reform, and general legal issues and will include updates on my current project “The Justice Myth.”

I promise to try to keep things brief and other than this post, wont double post. I appreciate both your patience over the next few days of house keeping and your continued support and interest in my work. - VA